ramblings & implemetations for the new year

hello again from my little corner of the internet! i hope that if you are reading this, you have been well & taken care of. i am in the process of a lot of changes & seem to need a minute to unload my feelings. so once again, here i am, back to this blog that has since the beginning been quite evolutionary for me on a personal level. 

while lost in the twilight zone of my reality i became, as pattern often calls, quite depressed & once again dissatisfied with the large majority of my life. i found myself picking apart even the lives others around me lead, trying to make sense of them & why they do the things they do. my thoughts overtake me quite often, rendering me unable to break away mostly from my sadness, often from my poignancy. i am overwhelmed with empathy to a crippling level, & while i am proud that i can call myself compassionate i am also aware that the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' isn't untrue in the slightest.

that's me, in a nutshell. safe, afraid, constantly thinking so deeply into each thought/idea/occurrence until i can barely bring myself to go through my routines without bouts of anxiety. every overwhelmed being breaks at some point. as a calculated & controlling person, letting go is quite the feat but simultaneously the only way i can feel more at peace. if i have to be honest with myself, it is the scared-shitless decisions i have made that have really changed my circumstances for the better. none of the safe controlled ones ever had this effect on my life.

which brings me to right now. i resigned at my job of over 4 years, & this coming week will be my last. to tell you that i am at beyond resolved with this doesn't suffice. i don't know where i'm going from here, but i feel that everything will be okay, & it will be. i will be okay, that's something i never tell myself. i have been afraid for so long, crippled in my fear, living an unhappy life wondering where my out would come from & when. i am at a point of truly understanding that just because one lives unconventionally, unconfined to the 'societal work-marriage-kids-retirement' template doesn't make them unsuccessful.

i have many goals that i think are totally feasible & am lucky enough to share them with people i love, a network of support. i have my basic needs met, & honestly that's all i need. it's important to understand that none of us need more than, while some of us don't even have, these fundamental things: a place to live, food, & safety (especially in our current political climate). i willingly & happily choose to be mindful of both while working on not letting either fact control me anymore.

finally, i want to touch on what i want to manifest & develop on as i further grow each day. rather than resolutions, i just want to continue following the concepts i have implemented into my life over years of self-reflection & behavioral introspection. perhaps we are not very different, & these could possibly be of use to you as well.

- don't be ashamed to rid yourself of the excess, unnecessary, or deleterious - in whatever form it may come.

- live a less wasteful life in every sense of the word: use less, toss away less, impulsively purchase less, & choose to truly live more, as in be fucking alive.

- take good care of my skin & my body: continue on a path to understanding the toxicity of certain products/ingredients & be mindful of those implications as opposed to falling for 'cute packaging' (anyone else guilty of that?).

- understand that you are not a slave to your mental issues. it is okay to try & feel better rather than stay defeated & complacent in your misery. try thinking outside the box your mind traps you in. do the opposite of what your instincts tell you sometimes.

- a life well lived isn't always a safe tread. be adventurous, gutsy, open to new ideas.

- do not lead with judgement. when reaction jumps instantly to prejudice, eradicate. you are responsible for your negative predispositions. wonder, try & understand your differences & be at peace with the fact that we are all different & that's okay.

- stop allowing people to abuse you & your kindness/availability for them. when someone needs to kindly fuck off, tell them so.

until next time, take good care of yourself & those around you.


life + current favorites

The time between April & May has been a weird in-between period to be honest. I did a lot & very little all at the same time. I visited New York City for the first time & completely fell in love. What a beautiful, stimulating place! I really didn't want to leave - I felt like a New Yorker the second I arrived - & felt like four days was not nearly enough time. There's noise followed by quietness in the most unexpected places. There are beautifully dressed people & the brownstones, the brownstones! Flowers & trees are everywhere, along with fruit stands & vegan versions of anything you could think of. There's no way anyone could visit the city & not fall deep in enchantment. I am already planning my next visit.

Simultaneously I've been thinking of my life a lot & been really confused, feeling the same pressure any other 20-something year-old with seemingly no outlook does. I have ideas but I'm not sure how to get there. I put so much importance in figuring out what I'm meant to be doing, & often feel afraid that I'll never see to the other side. I hope the fog can clear someday.

Onto the things I've been enjoying...

I purchased a small bottle of Beautiful shower gel on a whim - I was already at the register when I read it has peaches in it & couldn't possibly resist. I'm so glad I bought it; the scent is amazing, lovely... Makes you feel so feminine! It's refreshing & sweet. Your skin will smell good all day.

My birthday came & went, & I took the time out to make myself a cake. Of course I had to assure it was made entirely of chocolate. I followed this recipe, which I would describe as time consuming but absolutely worth it. Please don't be alarmed by all the veggies in it! As skeptical as they were, my entire family loved this cake. I decorated it with homemade chocolate-covered strawberries because I knew they'd make me feel cute & special. If you happen to make it, I recommend refrigerating the cake for at least 24 hours prior to devouring. It makes it that much more decadent. 

Can turn back time & stuff my face with this cake again, please?

Due to the cold wind in NY, I have had a really chapped face - especially around my mouth. I was outside for so many hours exposed to the elements that it took a toll on my skin. I basically look like shit. Using a lot of moisturizer & dabbing tons of Balm Dotcom has been helping heal them so quickly. Miracle product! They come in different flavors now & I'm dying for the cherry one.

Up until recently, I hadn't had a good vegan alternative to coffee creamer, so I was usually drinking it with almond milk & some agave. If you want a more decadent experience, I highly recommend trying Califia's almond milk creamer. My favorite is hazelnut, but to be honest all of them are great. It's super creamy!

How are you? Anything you've enjoyed lately?
Until next time

DIY body scrub bar

Your skin is probably gonna be a lot more exposed in the heat of the summer, which admittedly means it's time for me to shave my legs more often than once a month (tmi, perhaps?). Just like with the skin on your face, your entire body can sometimes use a good scrubbing to remove surface grime thoroughly. The result is brighter & softer skin at the expense of a couple of minutes out of your week.

To make this scrubbing bar, you need just 2 ingredients that you probably already have in your home: 3/4 cup of the coffee grinds left in your coffee filter & 1/2 cup of organic, virgin coconut oil. If you have some essential oils on hand they would make a great addition to your scrub bar, but honestly it smells really damn good as it is.

Method: Scoop your coffee grinds from the filter into a plastic tupperware. Add in the coconut oil, at room temperature. Mix it all together; you should end up with a really thick mixture. If it's too thick, add a little bit more oil & vice versa. Using a spoon, shape the mixture so that it's not touching the sides of the tupperware (this will make for easier removal). Once your done smoothing the whole thing over, place it in the freezer. After about 2 hours, it should be ready to use.

Use this bar in the shower - After washing, wet it & apply by directly scrubbing with the bar, or alternately rub it between your hands (it is cold!), then apply to your skin. Use your hand to rub the grinds in circular motions all over your body (you can even use this on your face). The coffee is obviously the scrubbing agent, while caffeine in it also helps encourage circulation. This is great for cellulite & scarring. The coconut oil is so moisturizing, but because you use this in the shower you don't end up a greasy mess. Pat your body dry. You don't have to use any moisturizer after using this bar. Stick the rest of the bar back in the freezer until you're ready to use it again.

I love this because it's super inexpensive & extremely easy to throw together. It's also effective! It's gentle on my sensitive skin, smells like an Almond Joy & makes my skin so soft.
One bar will hold for approximately 3 uses.

Until next time ♡
pale lily. All rights reserved. © Maira Gall.